"I wonder if..." is a phrase that connotes doubt without a complete lack of faith. I (Kevin) have had a lot of "I wonder if..." moments in the past month, which while not easy, seems to be a healthy place to be. Very few people enter their journey of being faithful people without this "doubt". I wonder if doubt is the way of faith somehow.
In the midst of now having to have postponed our leave-date for Mexico twice, I wonder if... seems to come up a lot in my mind. But we've seen nothing but God's provision, and it is my wondering if... that allows me to reflect on God's bounty that we've been given.
It is not fun to be in a holding pattern. It is not fun to be in the grieving process. But God has provided. It is VERY fun to be expecting a child. It is VERY fun to study with my classmates and learn all the more who God is. It is VERY fun to know that Leah and I have been called to faithfulness, and while sometimes that might be fraught with "I wonder if..." thoughts and the necessity for flexibility, doubt has almost always been my way of faith, and somehow I have seen growth.
Tomorrow is a decision day for LAM and our program Spearhead whether or not to have the program in Mexico City in light of the swine flu. After a few I wonder if... questions, we've seen God curb the problem and begin to quell the fears of people and governments around the world. Hopefully this means that the program can continue this summer in Mexico City. We await in expectation with only a little I wonder if... and we await in faith to see how God will continue to grow us in faith somehow.
Thank you for joining us in prayer for Mexico and this summer's Spearhead program.